Fitness is something I keep coming back to again and again since my wet healing ended. That’s the phase where I had a goopy lil hole in my back and I was in a gentle cloud of morphine that a 19th century writer would have called a Tuesday. Now I’m in the dry healing phase where my hole is only goopy when I slather it up with some Aveeno. Sorry, my writing is just going to be like this sometimes. Why do you think my housemate has a mad look in her eyes most of the time? She’s had to deal with this nonsense in person for seven months.
This dry healing to me feels a lot less straight forward, I can’t just plod on, trust myself to the NHS and wait. Pre-harvest I came off the morphine and I feel it was around then I came to a reckoning with my body. It wasn’t doing what I wanted to. This time last year my desire to finally do Couch-to-5k was halted by weekly work trips down south, 3 hour commutes and many 60 hour weeks. This time my desire to finally to Couch-to-5k is halted by the fact I need to build up to Couch.
One of my friends just did a half marathon. She did tough mudder earlier in the year. My housemate has biceps now. Another friend has lifted 68 llamas. I tripped down the stairs nearly breaking several toes on Saturday*. They’re purple now. And I can’t even Couch.
As usual I’m not giving myself enough credit. I have started swimming again and I’m clinging to every chance to do yoga I get in spite of Better UK’s determination to bait and switch me into pilates. I’m sorry, that wasn’t right. It was actually Yogalates. Which is worse. Because of the name. I’ve also recently found a youtuber who does cute dancing workout videos… to metal. She’s Moves With Molly and I adore her. Not only is it actually music I love but she has an energy that’s so opposed to the “no pain no gain” peppy nonsense that I’ve never gelled with. If that works for you, great. For me I’d rather have the no gain.
Molly has a series called “Fail-Proof fitness” and though I haven’t tried any of those yet the description alone made me really like her ethos.
“Each workout is broken into 3 equal sections so you can choose your own adventure every time you show up and press play. Do all three sections when you’re feeling energized, or just one when you need something quick.
The idea is that each section can work on it’s own, so be a quitter if you want to. That’s the energy I need when it comes to fitness. You can go home at any time, so long as you at least show up.
And if you’re working out infront of the telly… well you gotta do the classic. Yes, I bought a PS2 dancemat from ebay. Good lord the sheer nostalgia that emanates from that thing, from the smell, the crinkly crinkly noises to the gorgeous 2000s graphics which definitely never expected to be on a HD telly.
I didn’t think I’d ever be somehow who does silly little workouts in front of the TV, fitness to me has always been yoga and powerlifting but it’s going to be a long time before I can trust myself under a barbell again. Yes I’d love to be lifting again but I’ve had to come to terms with a body that needs something else. So I’m not doing a huge fitness regime, I’m definitely not dieting (shovelling carrot cake into my gob right now), I’m just getting moving. Me and my back hole are going to run around and play, swim before work and get wiggled by a professional wiggler.
And eventually… I will Couch.
*Admittedly I was carrying Ted on my collarbones and had a face full of cat belly. Which is not a good way to descend some stairs.
