Sarcoming out of my cage
blogging about my cancer hole
There is no answer
Who would have thought three hours driving and an afternoon off would get in the way of going to a support group? Well, anyone. Including me. Maggies in Nottingham is a wonderful place but when your only cancer support network (outside of amazing friends and family) is based in another city it’s not exactly convenient. Wednesday was the sarcoma support group. I’ve only been able to go to one meeting so far and I found it really valuable but is it “losing half a day’s holiday” valuable?...
One Year Since A Cancer Diagnosis
November was anxiety, confused and a dense mass inside of me both literal and metaphorical. Every time I told someone I was exhausted by it all. So I didn't, I delegated and I delayed. December started off exciting. I was genuinely looking forward to my radiotherapy and prepared for it by watching far too many videos about radiation incidents. By the end of the month I was thoroughly fed up of being driven around and all I wanted was my car, my bed and my Ted. Nottingham City Hospital was a...
My hole is not the daily news
There's something of a routine with being ill. Knowing that there was an end goal meant I could take comfort in the regular GP and hospital visits. The slow and steady progress and the daily little things. Now I'm out of that (only my cheeky three monthly xrays now) it's almost strange. I feel somewhat lost. My main focus, as I am always babbling about on here, is physio and exercise. I had an insane two weeks of secretly decorating the living room which definitely counted as my exercise and...
Couch Recovery
Fitness is something I keep coming back to again and again since my wet healing ended. That’s the phase where I had a goopy lil hole in my back and I was in a gentle cloud of morphine that a 19th century writer would have called a Tuesday. Now I’m in the dry healing phase where my hole is only goopy when I slather it up with some Aveeno. Sorry, my writing is just going to be like this sometimes. Why do you think my housemate has a mad look in her eyes most of the time? She’s had to deal with...
INTERLUDE: Long Granny
It feels good to be writing again and sometimes sometimes I have thoughts. Thoughts that aren't about cancer or D&D or the cat. Behind the scenes I have some pieces that I'm working on but for now, I have something more wholesome that the vitriol in my notes app. We interrupt your regular scheduled programming for An Interlude. In this episode... Long Granny Autumnal Scarf At the beginning of autumn it feels appropriate to have a fresh scarf. I actually made the pattern for this myself and...
Sarcome together, right now, over tea
Last week was the first Sarcoma Support Group at Maggie’s in Nottingham. I’d had my three-monthly clinic an hour or so before (“X-ray’s fine. You good? Cool, see you in three months” - love a boring doctor’s appointment) so I was on my third volunteer-brewed cuppa by the time we all met in the Big Room. The thing with sarcomas is that they’re rare. According to Sarcoma UK they make up less than 2% of all cancer diagnoses each year and within that 2% there’s over 100 different subtypes....
All roads lead to dumplings
In order to lessen the other's fear by showing his own unconcern he asked to be taken to the baths. He bathed and dined, carefree or at least appearing so (which is equally impressive). Meanwhile, broad sheets of flame were lighting up many parts of Vesuvius; their light and brightness were the more vivid for the darkness of the night. To alleviate people's fears my uncle claimed that the flames came from the deserted homes of farmers who had left in a panic with the hearth fires still...
Maybe normality will come after harvest
I'm trying to figure out how to be normal again. I feel like I came out of Covid a bit weirder than I went in. Less socially sure but more confident in my self. Now I've come out of another fog and I feel like I almost don't know who I was in December starting radiotherapy, who I was in March curled up in bed with a vacuum attached to my back or who I am now, bumbling through a strange and difficult harvest. Right now I need to factor in more active(?) rest than I usually do. I can't just...
Let's do physio, physio. I wanna get physio. Let's go get some physio. Let me hear your body talk —ow— your body talk.
I'm pretty good at going with the flow at this point. I gotta get my muff out for radiotherapy? I don't know how I could have predicted this. Oh I gotta get my tits out now for an ECG? I get why you assumed I knew this but I only got my first blood test in my life an hour ago. Oh you gotta prod my crotch to check my lymph nodes? I should have asked more questions before now. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty good at asking the right questions and advocating for myself but sometimes all you can...
Why do I relax with aviation disasters?
Nothing more relaxing than a train crash. At least that's what my brain seems to think. Whilst I was in hospital for my surgery I knew I'd need my earphones for the night. I knew I wouldn't be sleeping too well thanks to being woken up every few hours by a kindly nurse checking I was still functioning. I find I'm a lot less anxious about sleeping poorly if I have a podcast on. I'm not tossing and turning and being annoyed at not falling to sleep, I'm listening to Rachel Fairburn and Kiri...
blogging about my cancer hole